The Yogurt story

The first time I saw her when she handed back my little note pad that slipped from my handbag. The next time at the porch by herself, looking into emptiness and the other time, with her hairs shaved off her head. Since then, I saw her almost every day and we began to exchange those looks of acquaintance.

            At the extended stay, I barely got to see the same people around but for this skinny lady, probably in late forties. I somehow sensed that she is not in a good shape. Whatsoever, we became so common to each other, it's as if we communicated speechless.

Last Sunday afternoon, I found the bathroom in my studio locked from the inside. Turns out, I have casually mastered the skill of locking myself out of the room. I did this countless times and with a lot of ease ever since I checked into this place.

            She came over to help, as she saw me helplessly making numerous trips to the front office. This time, by a matter of chance, I took a closer look on her only to see that she was pale, unhealthy and had blood oozing out of bruises on her neck. Her nails were filled with dirt and she smelled like a cigarette. She walked right in and tried to unlock the door, in vain. While the episode ended with an alternate arrangement made by the front office, I thanked her for the attempt to help and we introduced ourselves briefly, namesake.

Two days later, she came on my mind in fact, the only one I think I knew in the neighborhood, as soon as I thought of giving away an unopened yogurt to someone that could use it before it expired. I swiftly walked by the stairs to look for her and there she was in the usual pose with a cigarette in hand. The moment I said hello, she replied as if she were eagerly waiting to begin a conversation. And when I asked her if she would like to have it, she readily accepted the offer and invited me into her room.

           There was an awkward silence for a moment; we did not know what to talk. Hesitantly, she started and her eyes welled up with tears. She talked about her financially and emotionally broken state. She is suffering from a great loss and is by herself, deserted and all alone. The need of the moment was not yogurt, but a listening ear, few words of encouragement, a little bit of companionship, a sense of being cared for and she sure got it, courtesy of a soon to expire yogurt!! I felt a purpose to my presence at that moment and it was satisfying.

           It’s not easy to be alone, especially in distress, stranded in life with not even a single ray of hope. One may not solve problems, nor offer solutions, but who knows, during those “Who cares if” times, a word as small as ‘Hi’ could make an ocean of difference. It still matters on the receiving end, even if it were for a moment! It counts.

Next half to go!

At two different occasions during a calendar year, I make it unexceptionally important to look back in retrospect. These occasions come across indicative of a new beginning, yet, ironically, they bring an un-equivalently opposite feeling of joy as well as sorrow.

At the first occasion, there is an excitement in anticipation of a new year, and a new hope to see what is in store as the future unveils itself in time. Setting small-term objectives to achieve personal excellence and checking off the list of achievements made over the past course of time, undoubtedly gives a sense of satisfaction and a refreshing spirit to welcome the so called beginning of a new milestone. For some reason, this doesn’t come very personal, not at least to me. Along with zillion other people on the globe, I am happy to see the onset of just another year, which too will soon become history.

There is this other occasion that is personal and to me in particular, comes a little after the second half of the year had begun. Besides coming during the next half of the year, it brings a demanding need of seeking a purpose to the rest half of my life; a poignant reminder of progression towards eternal sleep and a painful review of an unproductive past. Advancing age deeply questions me of the very existence and it’s purpose and of accomplishments worth counting; often accusing me of lack of planning and discipline. I stand guilty, confessing a rather blank record of the list of things I wanted to do before I had lived for a few decades. In the yester years, this was one of those days that was much awaited, with the countdown having started literally months in advance, not even weeks. And today, I am here, trying to make every possible but futile attempt to at least pretend to have forgotten about it! Time just flew past and left behind a very sad realization of the fact that there is so much remaining to do in so little time!

I wonder if these thoughts are subjective to myself alone or if every individual is inescapably subject to them. As a matter of fact, it is humanly impossible to not contemplate life more often than not.

A close friend of mine has a pretty simple yet a scary logic that reduces the remainder of life into a little more than one thousand weeks. Makes sense; the idea of breaking it into functional, dysfunctional, productive and non-productive pieces in time and diminishing to a quantitative four digit whatsoever, does put things into perspective. This presentation of life in a conceivable amount of time dramatically influences one’s perception of life and enforces action towards living life in its totality.

I have been grateful to God and I still am year after year, for adding blessings to the journal of my life but at the same time there is this seemingly intense pressure haunting me day and night about my failures, some of which can never make up at all in a given life time. Those innocent moments of childhood, that hearty smile, that peaceful laughter, that undisturbed sleep which has now been lost into pretentious scenarios of today’s life is never going to come back. At this point, as I look at the ceaselessly ticking clock I once again realize “time and tide wait for none”!

And it continues…

…as I reach another destination on the road to the journey of my life. A change, another beginning, new people to meet and old ones to keep, new challenges to face and old ones to cherish; an exciting journey of continuous learning of course continues. It is incredible to look back on the road travelled so far; the accomplishments made, the accidents and the healing, moments worth cherishing, blessings to count and the lessons learnt the hard way! I've reached the turn that has a long drive ahead to look forward to, another sunrise to see and to wish the very best for myself and for the people around!

Moments of solitude

It was an awesome summer evening and was as inspiring as it should be. The sky reflected a blend of gold, pink and orange colors from the setting Sun. The serene waters stretched through the horizon reflecting a silvery luster of pearls. As far as eyes could see, the ocean looked very much complete and absorbing. Seagulls made occasional take offs between the rocks by the shore, cut off from the human contact. Sea lions popped up here and there as if they were entertaining the lone spectator. Cool breeze gently touched the cheeks, while gushing waves often high and low quietened down the not so very quite self. It was such a picture perfect weather, that everything was just as right, at the right time and in the right place, exactly the way it is meant to be. Awed at the splendor of the sky and the nature’s beauty, I quietly admired the creator while pouring out praises to his detail in putting things together. I soaked myself in those intimate moments with nature, which as usual was at it’s best. It was indeed the best solitude ever, where I’ve had those ultimate conversations with myself that I’ve neither had before nor could ever comprehend. As I filled up my eyes with the depth of the ocean, it is as if all of a sudden I saw everything afresh and clearer than ever before. It is as if blind sightedness just folded itself into eternity and the vision is all new. Nothing around has changed, everything appeared as it is, as it appeared several years ago but there was a dramatic change in perception and attitude, a very new side of it. I’ve had happiness that outweighed any other material joys of the world. My heart felt infinite emotions of joy, love, peace and serenity; I was in ecstasy.

One more time, I sensed positive vibes that gave a new strength, a new courage to keep going. Solitude is positive, when nature is, as inspiring and intriguing as it is. Moments of solitude open oneself up to the unknown dimensions; they help introducing 'yourself' to the other 'you' as they did to me by the Pacific coast!

Give time a chance!

It’s not an extra-ordinary theory that there is ‘a time’ for everything. In this context, 'time' refers to the ‘right time’. There is a time for everything. In other words, everything with an intended purpose, good or bad, makes a striking appearance in it’s own time whether we like it or not. When the moment arrives, things automatically start falling into place for the advent, with the least of the efforts or none at all and, nothing is inevitable; neither birth nor death, neither is success nor defeat, not even laughter or even sorrow.

The actual beauty of a flower is revealed only when it blooms in the intended time. One that is artificially forced open, will not only loose the fragrance but also the natural grace it supposedly carries. There is a loss of the natural, when we force things happen. Likewise, expecting to stop something inevitable is like wanting to live in darkness forever, depriving the brightness of the following day.

I like the lyrics from one of the Hindi film songs that says, “Maan kabhi kabhi saare jaha mein andhera hota hein, lekin raat ki baad mein hee toh savera hota hein”. It means that there are times when there is darkness all over, but it begins to dawn only after the darkness of the night lasts it’s due course"

A sum total of the forces that exist on this Earth does not have the potential to delay the event destined to happen, let alone stopping it from happening or to making it happen. When time cannot be controlled, it is wise to wait on the one that controls time.

Though it’s such a fundamental philosophy of life, it is the most common of human tendencies to be forgetful of this very truth about time and destiny. Unmasking the extreme human desperations in situations where waiting in patience is the most desired virtue, only makes worst things even worse. All it takes is to reflect upon life and stay calm in waiting. In total agreement to the fact that it is easy said than done, I want to emphasize that, a conscious effort to pause and ponder, can truly bring peace as huge as a mountain even in circumstances of inexpressible strife and pain. There is healing for everything and time is the best medicine.

It took me nearly a decade to realize this. Over and over again, life brought in many tough decisions to make and in most situations, staying calm and waiting in patience, worked wonders. What wonders me is the way things that were once believed to be impossible in the wildest of dreams were made possible by waiting on time. The outcome may not always be positive but at least time gives the positivity to deal with it. This self-realization has opened me up to experiencing life as it is in the present moment and to always keep waiting for the time to have the right things knock at my door!

Lone sights

Out of my dream world, these days I stepped into watching out for what nature has to teach me. After all, I knew, nature is the best teacher. I was at one of the ecological state reserves in the bay area last weekend and expected to see wild life in abundance; apparently, I caught sight of:

A single Snake –

A lone Seagull –

A Western Scrub-Jay by himself –

And of course, the one and only biggest of the stars – 

I’m confused!

Coincidence!

“I’m more interested in the dreams of the future than the history of the past”. I came across this statement recently and kept thinking about what it meant in those times when it was actually said and what it means now, some 2 centuries after it was said. I think the statement still makes sense, but after all perceptions differ between individuals! Knowing the past is certainly insightful in terms of the evolution and existence. History not only gives us an account of the past events and human affairs, it also gives us an evidence of the culture and beliefs of the earlier times that could be preserved for the benefit of the latter times. While it is important to know the past, it is even more important to live in present and of course look forward to future especially in the current times where growth very much depends on the ability to think beyond the impossible. Envisioning a better future way ahead of time as we always see, is one of the primary sources of development of an individual or a nation to that matter.

The corporate world has opened up my thoughts to growth and development more than ever. My observations constantly revealed that positive advancements in personal and professional life, always occur to people with the ability to think ahead of time. No doubt United States of America is thus far one of the most farsighted nations in the world in terms of advancement in almost every field, given the fact that it was ruled by great leaders with intellectual thinking. It was once upon a time under the presidency of someone called 'Thomas Jefferson' to whom the statement in context actually belonged and he is none other than the 3rd President of the U.S who has been consistently ranked as one of the greatest U.S presidents. With the ideals of republicanism in the U.S, he envisioned America as the force behind the ‘Empire of Liberty’ which is a theme to identify America’s responsibility to the world in spreading freedom across the globe.

While I had my lessons for the day on the emphasis of thinking about the future for the development and betterment of the self, I also learnt quite a lot about one of the great presidents of the U.S, Thomas Jefferson. To learn that this day in history, exactly 267 years ago happened to be his birthday, is of course a coincidence. He was born on the 13th April, 1743. The fact that he shared the date of his independence from his mortal life with that of the 13 American colonies that were then at war with Great Britain is another coincidence. Himself being the principal author of the statement of 'Declaration of Independence' on the 4th July exactly 50 years before his demise is yet another coincidence! It's also very much interesting to see how the numbers '13' and '4' are of a great prominence to the nation and it's leader.