Show that you care

Came across this passage from a book on how to unlock the untapped potential, and felt the urge to share it here.

We long for access to those people who are important to our future; friends, relatives, peers and leaders. Each of these relationships provides us with a line of hope. How much easier, or necessary, it can feel today to turn away. Many of us are numb and rushing. We rationalize ‬that we can't be all things to all people. That's true, but there are key moments when we must make conscious effort to show that we value others. We must be more keenly aware of what happens each time we turn away from another person who is counting on us and, even if inadvertently, we weaken that person's line of hope. Trust advances one brief interaction at a time. Each human point of contact either opens or closes a door. Even when you're rushed, you can still show that you care. 

Gist is: Slow down to show you care. Take a deep breath before talking to people you care for, give them time by setting the understanding that time you have in hand is brief, if it is and at all times make sure your body language communicates that they are genuinely being listened to.

Death...a door or dead-end?

I was consoling one of my friends who was mourning over the loss of a loved one, and that’s when I once again realized that no matter what we say or do, it is close to impossible to comfort the ones left behind. I saw my paternal grandmother cry her lungs out when my grandfather passed away. Her sorrow became even worse when the time came to earth the coffin up. As each one in the family came forward to fill in a handful of soil, she wept louder and louder and uttered things that no longer made sense. That scene left such an indelible impression that the memory brings tears to me even today after 17 long years. As the human heart realizes the fact that it is never ever going to be possible to talk to that person or even see with the naked eye, it is filled up with this inexpressible heartache and mental agony which is beyond human capacity to bear; some people commit suicide. It is an undesirable thought, an unwanted part and a sad truth of life.

While none of us ever dare to think about it, the sting of death will inevitably strike each one of us. Every beginning has an ending and so does the human body. And what next?

Now there are different theories. Every religion has a philosophy. But there can only be one truth. Each individual is convinced of this truth in a given way by the belief system they were raised in, it may be or may not necessarily be the truth. As for me, I am convinced and I believe that death separates us from our dearest ones, yet it makes way to heaven and communion with God. Believers, who have experienced salvation are comforted by this hope. Loss of loved ones does bring grief and sorrow, but the only source of their comfort is the hope to be re-united with their loved ones at the gates of heaven. To them death is a temporary separation, a transit to that eternal space of everlasting joy and happiness, it is a doorstep to eternity. I really wonder if it is a dead-end to those who do not have this hope. Whether it is a door or a dead-end, really depends on one's spiritual state of mind and acceptance to that one truth which is, was and forever will be the only truth!

the 'Silent Listener'...

When I was in 6th class (junior school, 11 years old), I had Geography for the first time in the curriculum that continued to be until I stepped out of school. Until 6th class, the curriculum had social studies, which was a general and a very high level foundation to Geography, History & Civics and Economics that came on as individual subjects in the later classes.

So was I introduced to reading maps of continents, their geographic locations with respect to latitudes and
longitudes, the landscapes, climatic conditions, crops in specific regions, the mountain ranges, minerals and ores etc...After each lesson on a particular topic, there was this exercise of identifying and marking the blank maps. My most favorite continent was South Africa, for the mysterious tales about the Amazon river, Zaire basin and the rain forests. And when it came to North America, the great lakes were in the list; the specific 3 that my eyes always pictured as the petals of a flower. I was so fond of these lakes; I colored them with utmost spontaneity right after the map was handed to me no matter what the objective of the exercise was. While fingers were busy, my mind used to be occupied in imagination and thoughts about these lakes, how they would for real look like and whether I could ever get to see them. Until then, the water bodies I saw were little ponds of murky water or man made ponds in and around my neighborhood but for the Bay of Bengal which I then got to see a couple times under the very protective supervision of parents.

Later, these thoughts along with the subject went completely out of mind with the urge to focus on the specific stream chosen in junior college to get into a particular professional course. The Indian education system was such, at least then, that people could only think of two professional courses, Engineering and Medicine. There was so much pressure on an average student to succeed, that it was a do or die situation. The focus was strictly narrowed down to the subjects of core interest, setting aside and completely ignoring the other areas of knowledge. It was like one’s vision is entirely limited to books and closed to almost the rest of everything, unlike it is said in the famous saying ‘Education is about replacing an empty mind with an open one’. Ah, I love it! The statement in itself is mind opening and makes so much sense. Though, it seems things have changed a lot for good in the recent times and there is an increasing awareness in the society, education system and especially in people’s mind set.

Anyways, before I get side tracked from what I wanted to say; I spent the last weekend by lake Michigan with my cousin! One of those 3 lakes I was fond of. I couldn’t believe that my childhood impossibility is now a reality! Following the excitement, I made a list of all those little thoughts I had since my childhood that I always wondered if they would ever come true. It is truly astonishing to realize that even the most little and the least expected ones have turned into a reality. In conclusion, there is this unseen guest, the silent listener, paying attention to every conversation, every thought and is constantly waiting in the want to prove that ‘He cares about every little thought; He cares about you!’

Freeway to tough love!

I was amazed when I first learnt about the way, the mother eagle teaches her young ones to fly. In order to teach them the art of flight, she throws the eaglets out of the nest from a cliff, and gives them a bed of thorns when they try to get into it. While the eaglets fearfully shriek and fall, the father eagle who shares an equal responsibility in raising the young ones, picks them up on his back and gets them back to the nest. This exercise continues until the young ones learn flapping and experience the excitement opened by the new learning. The eaglets during this process, would have many times questioned themselves about this cruel, mean and rather unusual behavior of the mother not knowing how much it hurts her to see them struggle in physical pain. Despite the pain, she knew that pushing them beyond their capabilities would eventually benefit and make them able enough to be self-dependent and self-sustained. This is one of those classic examples of tough love where success is a 100% guarantee.

I know of a father whose one and only 21 year old son, just out of college, not even a graduate, wanted to marry his teenage love. Surprisingly, as opposed to a typical father who would first think about putting an end to the love story, he tried to convince the son and expressed his intense desire to see him grow into an individual with an identity before he could tie the knot. The son however remained adamant and walked out on the family following a heated argument with the father. Given the situation with a chance to hold back the son, the father at this point,  chose the hard way. He chose to let him go with an assumption that the rough teacher called ‘life’ would help him learn the lessons he needed. I can imagine the agony of the father, the mental anguish he would have suffered from this separation; he would have accused himself more than imaginable times, guilty of putting the son through hardships. Nevertheless, he must have believed that the son would one day return back with an identity but much to his disappointment, he found him married and settled down for a mediocre life instead of pursuing his father’s desire.

I also know of another father, who in a similar way pushed really hard on the younger son in the family. The family stood together as a team, cutting down the emotional and financial aid and gave him the hard love to make him mend his life. Sure enough, a year later he worked his own way out, found solutions to his problems and is now leading a much happier, blessed and content life. I’m pretty sure, this family as well had their equal share of pain and suffering as the subject himself did.

During one’s life time, there would sure be times when the loved ones push really hard on an individual to the extremes of being mean and inconsiderate. And when they do, they know in their heart and they sincerely hope that one day everything will just be fine. It is easy to ignore that in fact it is hard on the ones giving the tough love since they for real carry the burden of selfless sacrifice. It is very much hurting to see someone dear struggling the worst fights of life. The pain is beyond words could express.

‘Tough love’ stands the core of both these examples. Yet we see quite contrary results. There is a fair chance that the outcome may be as it was expected to be. There is an equally fair chance that it may not be positive either. Unlike in the eagles’ story, when it’s a matter of chance, isn’t it a safe bet to try and fail than to have not tried at all?